Prioritize yourself by setting boundaries.

Stop agreeing to things you don’t want to do, and start saying no—without explanation or apology.

Those who have taken advantage of you in the past will adjust.

We often put others’ happiness before our own but remember: you matter.

Your well-being comes first. Saying no protects your energy and creates space for others to step up and say yes.

Let go of people-pleasing.

Honor your own needs.

Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

I deeply value honesty, empathy, loyalty, and support. I have a strong instinct to defend the underdog, often stepping in during times of difficulty, tension, or conflict. I take pride in being someone others can rely on for guidance and understanding, especially when facing challenging or emotional situations. When a friend struggled, I didn’t hesitate to be there for him. I put everything on hold to support him, driving him wherever he needed to go after his car was totaled.

I spent hours sitting with him daily, listening and offering comfort as he navigated his challenges.

I frequently took late-night calls whenever this friend was in crisis, prioritizing his needs over mine. As I devoted more time to supporting him, my time with my clients became scarce, and the strain on my business began to show. When distressed, I often became the target of his criticism and insults, especially if I didn’t respond as quickly or perfectly as he expected. Still, I defended his behavior, reassuring him of his worth and trying to lift his spirits whenever he doubted himself as a friend. I told myself it was just a phase he was going through and that he needed my unwavering support. Despite the emotional manipulation and unrealistic expectations, I believed that a good friend stays, no matter what. After all, in many ways, he was a wonderful person and a beautiful friend. I could share countless instances where I prioritized others’ needs over mine, often at the expense of my well-being. And if you’ve made it this far, I bet you can relate.

I believed I was a loyal, generous, and kind person—someone who always chose to see the good in others.

I took pride in this, considering it a fundamental part of my identity. But over time, a painful pattern began to emerge.

My well-being—health, happiness, needs, and desires—was constantly pushed aside.

I was so focused on helping others that prioritizing myself felt impossible. By always being available, I unintentionally signaled that I had no boundaries.

So when I finally tried to set them, it was a shock to those around me.

I had also set an impossible standard for myself—always striving to be the perfect friend and supporter. Unsurprisingly, people started expecting that level of perfection from me 100% of the time, even when they didn’t hold themselves to the same standard. The hardest realization?

Many of those I had supported weren’t willing to do the same for me. They didn’t take risks for our relationship or stick around when things got complicated. The moment I started protecting my energy, they walked away without hesitation. That was when I knew something had to change.

I needed to respect myself and prioritize my own needs. I had to stop playing the role of the martyr and start setting and maintaining boundaries.

It was essential to find the balance between being big-hearted, loyal, and generous and protecting my energy and well-being.

It wasn’t easy—it was a time of complex adjustments and hard lessons, many of which I’m still learning.

Ultimately, prioritizing myself not only benefitted me but also strengthened my relationships with the people who genuinely loved and valued me.

How could that possibly be a good thing? You might ask.

I lost friends, experienced pain, and realized that some of the people I deeply cared about wouldn’t stand by me when I needed them most.

How could that be a positive outcome?

Let me explain.

When I let go of—or better managed—relationships with those who drained my energy and disregarded reasonable boundaries, it:

  • It allowed me to honor my needs, leading to a greater sense of energy, happiness, health, and purpose.
  • It created more space for me to invest in relationships with people who truly respected, valued, and uplifted me.
  • I encouraged others to treat me with more respect.
  • Inspired those around me to prioritize their well-being, leading by example.
  • It helped me understand what I truly value in relationships and be more intentional about who I allow into my life.
  • Strengthened my ability to set and maintain boundaries, a skill that positively impacts many areas of life.
  • It taught me the importance of saying no and asking for help—two essential tools for self-care and emotional wellness.

This might sound ideal in theory; however, I know firsthand how challenging it can be to start setting boundaries and prioritizing your needs, desires, and dreams. To help you take that first step, here are a few suggestions:

  1. Prioritize making time for yourself.

    Consider what adjustments you can make to your schedule to create space for self-care. Are there tasks you can streamline or systems you can implement to improve efficiency? Where could you ask for help or delegate responsibilities to lighten your load?

    Take a closer look at your to-do list—what can you let go of to make room for what truly matters?

  2. Please pay attention to the people you surround yourself with and how they affect your well-being.

    Do you genuinely enjoy their company?

    Do they uplift and support you? Do they bring you joy? Or do they leave you feeling drained, insecure, or unappreciated? If certain relationships consistently deplete your energy, it may be time to reassess how much space they occupy in your life.

  3. Learn to Say No with Confidence

    Breaking the habit of automatically saying “yes” is essential for setting boundaries and valuing your time, energy, and personal needs.

    Saying no doesn’t always come naturally—it takes practice.

    One way to ease into it is by using a “buying time” approach.

    Instead of giving an immediate yes or no, say you’ll check your schedule and get back to them. This allows you to pause, reflect, and respond in a way that aligns with your priorities.

    Above all, remember this: You matter.

    Your life, your needs, and your desires are meaningful. When you take care of yourself first, you’re in a much stronger position to support others and contribute meaningfully to the world.

  4. Make Yourself a Priority

    Take time to reflect on your own needs, desires, and dreams. Do you have a self-care routine or dedicated time just for yourself?

    Are you engaging in activities that bring you joy? Do you feel fulfilled in work, home life, health, or other aspects that matter to you?

    If not, start consciously prioritizing these areas—your well-being deserves just as much attention as everything else in your life.

“Boundaries are like fences; they keep out what you don’t want and protect what you value.” – Henry Cloud

“Boundaries define our limits and protect our inner peace.” – Brené Brown

“Setting boundaries is an act of self-love.” – Oprah Winfrey