What happens when you need and want to tell the truth about things you can’t quite remember? These blog posts document my many attempts to remember and to tell the truth.

Time Is a Precious Resource: How to Use It Wisely

I have dedicated much of my life to caring for others, often at the expense of my own well-being. I’ve come to realize that time is a precious resource, and how we choose to spend our days has a profound impact on our energy and overall well-being. It has taken me years to embrace the passage of time rather than fearing or ignoring it.

By being mindful of how I use my time, I’ve been able to reclaim it, making more intentional choices.

As of this writing, I have lived 25,927 days, 622,248 hours, 37,334,916 minutes, and 2,240,094,960 seconds.

Each of those moments has been a gift—the joy, the pain, and everything in between.

Whether in the simple act of folding laundry at home […]

Entitled Brat or Pampered Child? Understanding the Fine Line

Your mind behaves like a child who always expects to get its way. Pick the description that resonates with you most.

Entitled Brat or Pampered Child.

Your mind acts like it’s always indulged and getting its way!

You’ve trained your mind to think, whether negatively or positively.

Now that it’s matured, it seems to have a sense of its own and doesn’t always follow your lead!

Sometimes, you need to focus on something specific, but your mind keeps drifting to whatever it prefers. And when you try to let go of a thought, it just won’t stop running through your head. Many factors, like anxiety, stress, and other mental health conditions, can disrupt your sleep.

As a teenager and young adult, I didn’t worry much about […]

Why Forgiveness Felt Impossible – My Journey to Letting Go

My stepmother grew up in a home marked by abusive alcoholism, and I suspect she may have had borderline personality disorder. When George and I moved into her house, I was eleven, and he was eight. The memory that stands out most from that day is her explosive anger and emotional outbursts.

Our dad had never told her—the woman he married and had two children with—that he also had two adopted children.

After living with our elderly Italian grandparents for two years, he had no choice but to bring us to her house; there was nowhere else to go. Nowhere else he would let us go. My dad, being very non-confrontational, never intervened or insisted that Dotti change.

Unlike what you might expect, […]

Bellevue, Washington: The Place That Shaped My Journey

Bellevue, Washington, was one of the places that brought me the most joy. It was a safe haven for me growing up, offering refuge from the abuse, confusion, fighting, and stress of home in Los Altos.

It was where my mother’s sister, Aunt Dorothy, lived, and every summer, George and I would go together—our trip, our escape. In those moments, I could indulge in the fantasy of leaving behind my dad and stepmom for good, dreaming of a new life in Washington, free from the unpredictable chaos that always loomed in the background.

After our mother’s death, my Aunt offered to take George and me in, but my father refused. I later discovered that my mother had named our […]

Reflections on Happiness: Finding Joy in Everyday Moments

It seems that we all long for happiness. I have always aspired to find it.

You’ve likely encountered numerous images and statues of the Buddha, often depicted with a serene expression.

I, too, have several Buddha statues placed throughout my home and on my front porch.

Many spiritual traditions emphasize the pursuit of happiness through practices like mindfulness, meditation, relaxation, and gaining a deeper understanding.

My own spiritual journey began in childhood when I first recognized the suffering that everyone experiences. Then, the loss of my mother ignited a desire within me to escape my suffering and seek happiness.

However, finding peace and happiness was particularly challenging given the circumstances of the household I entered at the age of twelve.

Happiness is a topic that resonates […]

Paralyzing Fear: Every Encounter with My Father Changed Me

Every encounter with my father evoked a paralyzing fear unlike any I had ever known.

It felt like I had an invisible barrier up at all times, and every attempt he made to cross it put me on edge, like stepping into enemy territory. We never really hugged—our embraces were stiff as if we were going through the motions, pretending to have a normal father-daughter relationship, eager to get it over with.

At his funeral, I had no choice but to get close to him. It was mandatory to greet a line of relatives upon arrival—ten. I remember how difficult it was to face each one, especially as I approached the end of the line where Dotti, Rick, Ron, my stepmother, and […]

Struggling Against My Father: A Journey of Conflict and Understanding

I had been struggling against my father … an abusive husband, my faith, my anxiety, and all the injustices in the world

But to what end? I was more distressed and emotionally wounded than ever before. Therapy had become a necessity, helping me navigate the trauma of the sexual abuse inflicted by my father. It was July, and my father was preparing to leave for his annual fishing trip with his friend, Dr. Martinelli. I knew it was time to confront him. So, I drove two hours from Pacific Grove, California, to his house in Los Altos.

As I exited the car, he emerged from the house onto the front porch. At that moment, I felt a sense of assertiveness, personal power, […]

The Only Way My Dad Knew How to Show Love – A Personal Reflection

The only way my dad knew how to show love …… was through money.

Money was his universal emotional language, the medium for his apologies, appeasements, grief, guilt, joy, love, pride, and attempts at reconciliation.

I always struggled to see the value in what he was offering. Despite everything that happened in my childhood, I craved a genuine connection.

For my step-brothers, though, money was enough.

They used to say, “If Dad can’t express his feelings, his money works just fine for me.”

Growing up, we never struggled financially. My father was a veterinarian with […]

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