I was on sabbatical in Pacific Grove, California, one year ago today. Aspen and I spent the day at Pebble Beach, visiting the iconic Lone Cypress, often regarded as the most photographed tree in the world. The Lone Cypress stands as a powerful symbol of resilience and perseverance, thriving despite the harsh elements of its environment and enduring even through efforts to remove it from its precarious position.

Earlier today, I found myself sitting in my therapist’s office.

I think many of us share the misconception that the ideal way to live is by avoiding pain and seeking comfort above all else.

For much of my life, I held onto this belief myself.

Looking back, I realize I’ve lived a bold, adventurous life that nurtured my curiosity.

I rarely focused on whether my experiences were good or bad at the time—I embraced life’s fullness, joy, and richness. This approach helped me discover who I was and see the world as it truly is, accepting that I couldn’t control everything.

In contrast, when I prioritized comfort at all costs in my 20s and engaged to Tyler, it led to pain, and I found myself fleeing from the fears I wasn’t ready to face.

Two months later I met Blake, who introduced me to spiritual discipline.

Blake was from the Cahuilla tribe, a Native American community from the inland regions of southern California. At the time, I believed this would be the key to transforming my life and changing who I was.

It’s the same kind of thinking as:

“If I go to the gym daily, I’ll become a better person.”
“If I live in a nicer place, I’ll be a better person.”
“If I can learn to meditate and find peace, I’ll be a better person.”
“If I have the perfect relationship, I’ll finally be better.”
“If I get a better job, I’ll be a better person.”

Changing things in our lives, whether by adding or removing something, doesn’t promise any fundamental transformation.

Even years after meeting Blake, I was still wild, adventurous, and full of anger. I remained jealous and weighed down by feelings of unworthiness. Blake wanted me to understand that real growth doesn’t come from discarding who we are in hopes of becoming someone better. Instead, it’s about embracing and befriending our true selves.

Blake, with genuine curiosity and interest, helped me see that.

I was convinced I knew exactly who and what was behind all my problems.

I kept believing everything would be fine if I removed these people from my life.

However, as time passed, I realized the real change came when I shifted my focus inward.

Instead of blaming others, I needed to take a more profound interest in myself, exploring and being curious about who I truly am.

Blake showed me that life involves cultivating curiosity and a spirit of inquisitiveness.

It’s about getting to know ourselves in the present, not waiting for some distant future.

One day, I told Blake, ‘I wanted to visit you or give you a call, but I felt like I needed to be more put-together first.’

His response was simple: ‘Come as you are.’

I often wanted to escape the present moment, avoiding who I was at the time.

Curiosity and inquisitiveness require us to be gentle, open, and precise.

Gentleness means approaching ourselves with kindness and compassion.

Openness involves releasing control and allowing ourselves to embrace what unfolds.

Precision is having the clarity to see things as they are without shying away from the truth.

Writing this blog feels like watching a replay of my life, where everything comes into focus.

I’ve cringed countless times and muttered ‘Ugh!’ more than I remember.

Faces I haven’t seen in years, past criticisms, and judgments all resurface. However, as I learn to befriend myself, my perspective is shifting.

Approaching everything with kindness, honesty, and newfound clarity, I realize there are no longer any barriers standing in my way.

Today, I am present. I am awake. My curiosity remains intact.

My days are filled with moments like meditation walks with Aspen, showering, cooking, and connecting with others—yet each activity is infused with a sense of vitality, openness, and curiosity about life. I’m still learning who I am, with no escape.