In April of 2009, I embarked on a transformative journey guided by Titi to overcome feeling stuck in my career, educational goals, the loss of a great love, and past traumas. Traveling alone to South America to spend weeks with a shaman I had never met was a miracle. It was a step away from my comfort zone and past reminders. Yet, no matter how far you go, you carry your past. Titi greeted me kindly at customs. At that time, I was overwhelmed by loss—my mother, a friend who died of brain cancer, my grandparents, and even my high school prom date, who committed suicide.

My stepbrother also took his life, and I had two near-death experiences myself: my stepmother’s attempt to smother me at 16 and a stage four melanoma diagnosis at 38. Having faced so much, I was no stranger to death.

Before I arrived in Peru, Titi advised me to let go of unnecessary burdens.

Initially, I found this confusing, but I eventually cut my long hair, stopped wearing makeup, and removed my acrylic nails. He also inquired about my medications, reminding me that he wasn’t a doctor and I needed to care for myself.

Cusco, a city near the Sacred Valley of the Andes, felt like traveling back in time. Its elevation of 11,200 feet was a significant change from Bend, Oregon’s 3,623 feet. I spent my first night with Titi and his wife, Mia. Their home’s small blue room reminded me of my childhood. Neighbors gathered in the backyard, bringing food and celebrating my journey’s blessing. Children played, and women cooked in the kitchen, creating a warm, welcoming atmosphere.

I didn’t realize I was about to embark on a journey to another place and time until my final return home. This experience felt like dying and waking up, only to discover that much of what I believed was wrong, and I had been right all along. How did I forget? I felt the happiest I had ever been during this adventure with Titi. The emptiness had been overwhelming, perhaps even more potent than my grief and love.