For adults who overcame childhood trauma

We seldom voiced our pain, keeping the truth hidden from our friends.

Our parents said they loved us, but their actions told a different story. Their words shattered our hearts and stripped away our sense of worth.

We desperately wanted their affection, confused by what we had done to deserve their anger, strikes, and desire for us not to be there.

They would hit us, scream at us, and blame us for their unhappiness. Then they’d pull us into their arms, feeding us confusing lies about how they loved us despite how “bad” we were and how it was our fault they hurt us, our fault they were angry.

As each day started, we often wished for it to end, and when the pain didn’t stop, we learned to pretend—pretend that we were good, and so were they. It was just another day, and we’d be friends again tomorrow. We had to believe it because we had nowhere else to turn.

With every day of pretending, we pushed reality aside, replacing it with fantasies, deceptions, or bitter thoughts in the quest for self-worth … until the lies outgrew the truth, and we lost touch with who we indeed were.

Our bodies were disregarded. With no refuge, we learned to numb ourselves to what was happening. We tried to make them love us, only to grow to hate ourselves, feeling trapped and wishing they were gone. It terrified us to think that way and even more to realize we were becoming like them—fearing that this would be our future.

To be so small, half the size of an adult, and trapped within their pain … losing everything each day, with no one to save you or offer relief … wondering how God could forget the worthy child you once were before you were broken … counting the years on your fingers, realizing they stretched far too long before you could escape the torment and survive away from home, was the reality we endured, knowing deep down it wasn’t fair.

Those who grew up broken often feel out of sync, trying to heal their childhood wounds while their peers thrive in their prime. Where others find love and fulfillment, we still fight to remind ourselves that we are worthy and heroes simply for surviving.

Some of us are healing. Others are lost in anger, passing it on. Many turn to drugs or cling to the hope of something better beyond this life. Some hide away from the world, while others fight to find a place where they fit. But all of us wish the past wouldn’t cling to us for so long.

There’s a deep journey inward to rediscover the child we once were, to heal the wounds and reclaim our lost innocence. It takes forgiveness beyond measure to even acknowledge those who shattered our sacred childhood and set us up for failure. Trying to understand their pain, and how it became our burden, means risking everything we know in order to find our way back to wholeness.

This journey is less lonely than it once was … more of us have found the strength to begin our growth. Yet, as we make our way up the mountain, it takes everything in us to face the adults we’ve become and the parts of ourselves we still struggle with.

When we seem drained from the emotional climb we endure daily … when we find fault in your well-meaning actions or treat imperfections as intentional harm … when our defenses rise quickly, when we strive to control with unattainable goals … when conflict comes, and we fight relentlessly, remember … for us, winning feels like the only way to protect ourselves from future hurt.

When we abandon our feelings and beliefs to be who we think you want us to be, or when we face problems and feel the need to pin them on you … when life offers fresh starts and we fear they’re destined to fail, remember … a wounded trust is like an injured knee—it’s challenging to make it bend.

Please remember this when we’re struggling.

Be honest with us and offer your friendship. Healing is not an easy journey for those of us who were broken as children.

 

 

When a childhood of abuse leaves us with too few positive memories to build a hopeful future, we can’t do it alone—we need support.

For those who grew up broken … it’s challenging to rebuild from childhood wounds, but never forget that you aren’t alone in this journey.