By the time I climbed into my parents’ station wagon, I had been trying to run away for nearly a year. I hadn’t volunteered to go to Stanford.

Dotti told me we were going to a doctor’s appointment. Instead, she drove me to a psychiatric evaluation program in Palo Alto, about eleven miles from our home. As we walked inside, I was greeted by women in uniforms carrying clipboards. Then Dotti quietly slipped away. I can still picture her from behind. Her tall, elegant posture and silver hair disappearing through the doorway.

I didn’t know it then, but she had convinced my father that I was mentally ill, an “out-of-control” teenager who belonged in an institution.

In some ways, […]

Picture a girl sitting alone on a rock in a campground, her face streaked with tears. She is fourteen, though her thin frame makes her look even younger.

She could be pretty—with her green eyes and long blonde hair—but her face is dirty, and there is a taste in her mouth she knows she will never forget.

She has been hurt before, but not like this. A breeze passes through the oaks above her, and the dandelions around her stir. She wipes her tears, trying to steady herself.

What would it feel like, she wonders, to matter?

Then she sees the truck. White, worn, moving slowly toward her. She recognizes the man behind the […]

It’s hard to comprehend how one day life can feel completely ordinary, and the next, everything is shattered. The people and places we love can be taken in an instant, while the world continues as if nothing has changed—the sun still rising and setting, unchanged.

It feels deeply unfair, even cruel. As an adult, I understand this in a way I couldn’t before. But as a child living through it, nothing about that day felt normal. We likely ate lunch after my father left. It was early afternoon, and my grandfather and the pastor remained in the house. I remember sitting at Aunt Connie’s kitchen table while Uncle Chuck silently prepared something for us, moving through the […]

Yes, I have withdrawn from people, from intimacy, from the world itself. I found safety in small rituals and long hours of familiar television. But I will not let fear decide the shape of my life. I face it with strength forged through survival, grounding myself in what I already know I can withstand.

I am a grown woman now, and I know what monsters are. My childhood was defined by abuse and silence, and my adolescence by betrayal.

Once I went to live with Al and Dotti in Los Altos, my life entered a period of sustained abuse: incest, molestation, parental neglect, severe corporal punishment, and rape.

As a teenager, I was sexually trafficked […]

I woke as the sun began to rise, unsettled by the knowledge that my aunt had been heard sobbing and screaming during the night.

I wasn’t panicked—no one wakes expecting to learn that their mother has died.

I noticed my uncle Chuck quietly making phone calls. When I asked if we could call my mom that morning, a flicker of alarm crossed his face. Then the doorbell rang.

My father, our church’s youth pastor, and my Grandpa Bell entered the living room and sat down together, composed and deliberate. George and I were told to stay in the kitchen and finish our breakfast. I had no idea that the moment we were waiting for would […]

Content Warning

This piece contains personal reflections on childhood sexual abuse, trauma, and post-traumatic stress. The experiences are shared thoughtfully and without graphic detail. Please read at your own pace and take care of yourself however you need.

Reclaiming My Voice

A few hours ago, a hike with Aspen felt like exactly what I needed. Now, the sadness has quietly moved back in.

I sit down to write, knowing it won’t be easy. This writing is one of the ways I continue to reclaim my life. I am facing those who caused harm, even though they no longer walk this earth. Still, I woke this morning feeling strong. The sun shimmered, […]

This writing — for now a blog, perhaps later a book — is an act of remembering.

It draws me back through vivid scenes of the past, calling for honesty, courage, and collaboration with those who shared the journey.

This story is different in two important ways.

First, the memories I revisit — particularly those surrounding my mother’s death — come from the perspective of a grieving child, and they are deeply painful to tell.

Second, some of what I reveal about sexual abuse and trafficking will challenge the reputations of individuals once considered beyond reproach. My father’s threats kept our family silent for years. He warned my aunts, my grandfather, and eventually me to say nothing, even […]